1. Genetic engineering is a noble pursuit.
2. All nannies are British.
3. All teenagers make sexually charged eye
contact with one another.
4. Brilliant geneticists dress like Steve Jobs.
5. Being in the Navy prepares you for being a
dinosaur-whisperer.
6. Chris Pratt smells.
7. Women with high-powered jobs are no good at
dating, child-rearing, or their high-powered jobs.
8. Island-owning billionaires will do and say
whatever the plot requires of them at any particular moment.
9. Jurassic World patrons don’t mind their
phones getting splashed.
10. Jurassic World patrons are very protective of their margaritas.
11 Jurassic World patrons are happy to wait
patiently on the docks while all manner of devastating craziness goes on around
them.
12. …No wait – genetic engineering is
diabolical and misguided.
13. At the end of the jungle there’s always a
waterfall.
14. Children are brilliant car mechanics, and
cars abandoned for years will run fine with a little TLC.
15. The US military thinks sending raptors to hunt terrorists
is a good idea.
16. Pterodactyls unexpectedly freed from
captivity will use their newfound independence to violently peck at helicopter
pilots and tourists.
17. Don’t send a heavily armed containment team
to do Chris Pratt’s job.
18. …Ok, so some
genetic engineering for grossly commercialised purposes is groovy, but
it’s crossing the line to go full Frankensplice, or to get the military
involved. But if it's being benignly used to sell T-shirts and giant cokes to teenagers,
then go for it.
19. 'How fast have you clocked the T-Rex?'
'You know how fast a grown woman can run in
three-inch heels? Just a little shy of that.'
20. Even velociraptors can pull a Han Solo.
21. Three deus ex machinas is three deus ex
machinas too many.
22. Four Jurassic Park movies is three Jurassic
Park movies too many.
