Thursday 11 June 2015

22 Things I Learned from San Andreas




1. There’s always a lower ledge.

2. It’s okay for black guys to make racial jokes.

3. If Dwayne Johnson says your shoe is untied, you better damn well believe your shoe is untied.

4. Ex-wives always trade up in these kinds of movies (see also 2012, War of the Worlds).

5. CalTech is brought to you by Apple and Pepsi.

6. Dwayne Johnson is brought to you by Dodge.

7. This movie is (oddly) brought to you by the San Francisco tourist board.

8. Kylie Minogue makes a stellar stone-cold bitch (shame her situational awareness is hopeless).

9. Televisions will still work after multiple earthquakes measuring well above 9 the Richter scale.

10. Ditto cell phone towers, but only for a short time.

11. Long takes are meaningless in an era of bluescreened digital imagery.

12. $100m blockbusters still can’t photoshop family photos for toffee.

13. When a real man fancies a new set of clothes he precision-crashes his helicopter in the menswear department.

14. Standardised shipping containers have a sense of poetic justice.

15. Skyscrapers are no substitute for a nuclear family.

16. The relentless spectacle of arbitrary mass death is in no way traumatic.

17. When the world trembles, get up against something sturdy.

18. When The Rock trembles, reach for the fast forward button.

19. 100,000 tonne freighters can sneak up on you.

20. Fifty foot chasms in the world can sneak up on you.

21. Happy endings can never sneak up on you.

22. This movie being a whole shaking mess of good fun sure snuck up on me.




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