1. Contrary to expectation, Keanu Reeves is chock full of awesome.
2. This film’s trailer has more plot than this film.
3. Assassins have their own hotels.
4. Assassins have their own gold-coin based economy.
5. Assassins never fight in anything other than immaculate three-piece suits.
6. Stabbing yourself is a reasonable fight move.
7. Aggressive stunt driving is a great way to work off widower grief.
8. New York City is jam-packed with actors from HBO TV shows.
9. Dogs get delivered at night by courier.
10. The most exclusive nightclubs require you to shower before entry.
11. When in doubt, blame a nepotistic Russian crime syndicate.
12. Ornate churches are reasonable cover for money laundering.
13. You can never have enough gunfights, until you can.
14. You can always have enough chrome.
15. Michael Nyqvist may very well be able to act, and possibly to act well, but we see no evidence of this here.
16. The handcuffs can always be picked.
17. The best friend always gets tortured.
18. The villain always has a chopper waiting.
19. Don’t hang around Bethesda Fountain after dark.
20. It’s acceptable to kill approximately 6,567 people one-by-one in gruesome ways if you’re avenging the death of a cute puppy.
21. Since Reeves’s rhythmic, slightly off-tempo and quite beautiful fight manoeuvres make up exactly 96.7% of the running time, perhaps John Wick would have worked better as a ballet.
22. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. In the land of mediocre action thrillers, the one that can string together a halfway adequate fight scene is disappointingly hailed as a masterpiece.