1. Having identified the prime suspect of a murder minutes after the crime has taken place, the police will sleep on it and arrest the suspect the following morning.
2. Prison doctors exhibit undue commitment to their felonious patients, and sound as though they were educated at Oxford.
3. Accepting a lift across state lines from a kindly stranger makes you an accessory after the fact.
4. You can break into a van using a tennis ball.
5. You can pick a lock using a filed down key.
6. Suicide attempts should under no circumstances be taken seriously.
7. Don’t trust a sleazy, drug-dealer-recommended low-life to make you a fake passport.
8. Do trust a motorcycle riding deaf stranger to make you a fake passport.
9. Russell Crowe ate all the pies.
10. Male detectives are intense, psychic, and insanely committed to their jobs.
11. Female detectives bitch a lot.
12. It takes heavily built criminal lackeys, armed with shotguns, an age to kick (not shoot, apparently) open a locked wooden door. Only faced with the threat of imminent immolation is the required effort put in.
13. You don’t need psychological depth when you have criminal instruction videos.
14. Given the choice between a possibly sociopathic Elizabeth Banks and a kindly, flirty, willing-to-babysit Olivia Wilde, some men would choose the former. Fools.
15. There’s always a group of sports fans to blend in with.
16. The professor always delivers a lecture which is spookily appropriate to his own situation (here, on Don Quixote and escapism).
17. Writer-Director Paul Haggis cannot write a scene, or frame a shot to save his life.
18. The centre of every American city can be locked down within fifteen minutes.
19. The murder of drug dealers will be investigated with all the manpower and forensics that the Pittsburgh police department can muster.
20. The murder of a well-paid company executive will not.
21. Sponsored items required for a jailbreak include, but are not limited to, an iPhone, a satnav, a North Face coat, a digital camera (with face recognition), and a Prius. Access to youtube, google and amazon are also musts.
22. Willing suspension of disbelief is fine. Three days worth of unbelievable, badly plotted, poorly judged nonsense is not.
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