22 Things I Learned From ‘The Incredible Hulk'

'I'm not looking at it, it's just that it's at my eye-level, that's all.'

1. All it takes is a fancily edited title sequence and the addition of the words 'The Incredible' to rewrite filmic history.

2. The quality control in South American bottling plants is sub-par at best.

3. A dose of gamma radiation turns you into a cross between Shrek, David Hasselhoff, and Rafael Nadal.

4. Helicopters are always disembarked from in slow motion.

5. It is possible to get Lou Ferrigno to do anything for you if you give him pizza. (He is, also, the man.)

6. Director Louis Leterrier has a rather surprising interest in the weather.

7. The killing of U.S. army personnel en mass is acceptable if they are attacking you just for being who you are.

8. When fleeing the bad guys you’re always going to run into the obnoxious bald guy whose cock you earlier blocked.

9. William Hurt is no Sam Elliott.

10. Injections of bio-serum help you trim those extra pounds and make you feel great, but result in nasty, scaly, mood-damaging side effects. So, a lot like heroin then.

11. Bigger Stan Lee cameos aren’t necessarily better.

12. Tim Roth manages to sound as if he is swearing even when he isn’t.

13. Tim Blake Nelson is rather superb.

14. A lime tinct deflects all projectiles.

15. Brazalian favelas, New England university campuses, Harlem: nowhere is safe from shock-and-awe occupation by the U.S. military.

16. A non-stop musical score can be aggravating and unnecessary, like someone telling you how much fun you’re both having during sex.

17. Ang Lee probably saw this film and muttered ‘I coulda done that but I didn’t wanna.’

18. It is now a legal requirement that any film star a lead actor from The Wire, even if they only feature as an extra fleeing a fireball.

19. A massive green man with stretchy pants remains unfilmable.

20. It’s hard not to enjoy a movie in which a police car is utilised as a pair of boxing gloves.

21. A relentlessly forward-moving narrative can be an effective distraction from increasingly incomprehensible plotting.

22. Marvel Studios are on their way to making rather a lot of money, and not entirely undeservedly.