1. Starfleet spacesuits come in a range of primary colours.
2. The senator for Iowa has enough pull to ensure spacecraft construction occurs there. Rather than in space.
3. After five television shows and eleven films, I still have no idea what Starfleet is actually for.
4. Mining ships are equipped with bunker-busting missiles and near-impregnable shields.
5. No one ever thinks to bring a phaser to a sword-fight.
6. Bruce Greenwood is far too old for this ship.
7. There’s no corner that can’t be written out of with recourse to warp drive or the ability to beam anywhere in the universe in seconds.
8. It’s no fun when the unstoppable bad guys are so bad and so unstoppable.
9. Chris Pine’s William Shatner impression is at times uncanny.
10. Karl Urban’s DeForest Kelly impression is just the right side of weird.
11. Simon Pegg’s Simon Pegg impression is just the wrong side of tacky.
12. Apple (or possible Brawn GP) do Starfleet’s interior decorating.
13. Starfleet’s ‘peacekeeping armada’ is neither an oxymoron, nor in any way effective. In the twenty-third century equivalent of an oilrig taking on an aircraft carrier, the former consistently wipes the floor with the latter.
14. Engine Rooms on warp-drive equipped space ships look like a warehouse in Swindon with overlarge see-through plumming.
15. It still isn’t advisable to be the third man on an away team.
16. It takes three years of training, a famous father, and being an insufferable git to gain control of the flagship of the Federation.
17. There’s more cataclysm in ten minutes of this film than all seven seasons of Jean-Luc Picard’s tenure.
18. It’s not blockbuster entertainment without a spot of genocide. (See also Star Wars.)
19. Director J.J. Abrams never met a lens flare he didn’t like.
20. Writers Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci never met a character they wouldn’t undermine.
21. The Enterprise’s mission to explore new worlds and civilizations will have to wait until next time.
22. With its bright lights, uncomplicated morality, and lack of responsible adults, this is a children’s film at heart.
2 comments:
4. Mining ships are equipped with bunker-busting missiles and near-impregnable shields.Just in case some rock gives them a nasty look or something, you know?
11. Simon Pegg’s Simon Pegg impression is just the wrong side of tacky.Oh nooo, really? i.e. one of the only reasons I'd be convinced to go and see this film.
18. It’s not blockbuster entertainment without a spot of genocide. (See also Star Wars.)*Looks wistful*
19. Director J.J. Abrams never met a lens flare he didn’t like.A good lens flare covers all manner of sins and screw ups in CGI.
2. The senator for Iowa has enough pull to ensure spacecraft construction occurs there. Rather than in space.Iowa has enough pull to ensure that I'm going to be there for the second half of this year, so I can't see how the state would have had any trouble getting a starshipyard there. It's very flat, you see.
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